I promise an update after one full day at Jade. ALL THREE OF YOU MUST COME TO ME IMMEDIATELY!

"Don't me this stuff! I want to like you!"
-Almost Famous

I HAVE BEEN FARTING SINCE FRIDAY

I just took three benedryl so that i will fall asleep and cease this nonsense
-anonymous

I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SINCE FRIDAY

  

I wanted to bring to your attention how amazing I am, by suggesting a different resolution to the allegorical DJ film Scott, Jaime, and I had to sit through on Friday.

How much better would it have been if the douche with the bad beats was at the duck pond and instead of staring off into the distance and then cutting to a scene of him riding his bike ambiguously into the distance, the shot has him walking into the duck pond in slow motion. 

End scene.

 You all are probably thinking "Maya you are only supporting film major's sick fantasies that  water/human  interaction ,preferably in slow motion, i.e. Adam's co-directing masterpiece, are the most complex visual metaphors to ever exist.

I AM NOT FINISHED. I AM NOT FINISHED.

The next and final scene has DJ douche walking into that ass-pit of  a bedroom and then beating DJ mensa douche over the head with a dead duck.

As DJ Douche stands over the unconscious and badly bruised body of his former mentor, he begins to spin.  And the rhapsody begins.

Credits Role.

I should have been a film major.

-Maya

Movie sex better than porn?

As the debate going on downstairs between Maya and Allison on whether fake sex that everyone knows is fake and sex is hotter than sex that is supposed to be real and loud and dirty but is fake progresses, my Political Consciousness final is laughing along with the girls while I am throwing up reasons why third world countries were romanticized by Students for a Democratic Society.
Everyone is done for the quarter, a celebration is of course in order, however i just don't think it's fair that I'm still hovering over my computer. Hannah's packing is literally creating a storm of clothes and we can both smell our vaginas from our faces.

Scott are you done yet? Are you alive? I hear you're a big fan of those sneaky little pills for crazy kids, which have helped us realized just how misunderstood our little Hannah has been all these years.
I can't wait for San Diego, but mostly I can't wait to be finished. All that's left for me is to put together a portfolio of Foods that Make my Snatch Smell Weird and Dear Monica Lewinski, I Want to Suck Dick.
Can we hang out this weekend Scott? We'll be all alone. Let's do it all over my house.

I will miss you all this break for the moments we are not together, for the moments I will have no one to pick my backne, for the moments I will have no one to talk about different masturbation techniques and for the moments I will not have Scott's eyes to look into.

Everyone be good this break, I'll have some good gifts waiting for you when you get back. Oh and Maya don't forget our Bop-It! Extreme swap.

Jaime JO

I do this thing where instead of putting the name of a person I am searching for on facebook in the search toolbar, I put their name as my status instead. For five seconds, my profile and likely the news feed of all my friends display just how creepy I am.

Scott Reed

"Wait...how did you get tetris?"

Jaime Nabrynski is a goddess

8:42 PM December 4, 2008 at pergssssssss

i'm all here...

Chris Crocker was right. Leave Britney alone. Don't buy her music, don't watch her videos, and for god sake don't read Perez Hilton. Girl is gonna jump in front of a moving vehicle and end it all, I know I would.

That would complete this public service announcement from Scott Reed.

In other news, I really need to write some serious paperage, and then I will be more than happy to spill my heart and bowels onto this lovely blog. I would also love to make us a pretty one using Wordpress. How bout them apples.

I am assuming Roland broke up with his girlfriend because he heard word that I'm out to get his hand in marriage. To that I say bring it. By "it" I mean what I imagine to be the penis Hannah would have had if she had been born a boy. I truly have a crush on Roland, but the reality is it's only because being with him might be what it's like to be with Hannah. I think the crush started to wear off after he turned 16, though. It would be nice to be related to Casey Morin eventually. It's one of my life goals.

Essentially I have an unhealthy obsession with the men in Ms. Gullixson's life and I'm not sure what that says about me or my friendship with her. Someday I will be judged, and I hope by that time God will say it was all hot and fine.

I wish you all the best on your finals.

Love,
Me.

LADIES & GENTLEMAN

Hello pre finals week. After spending an hour in the shower using fake hippy dish soap and peanut butter to remove the vaseline remnants from Maya's burlap body, I am back to reality. Jaime is inquiring about jobs at magazines, and I am finding myself at an utter stand still. YES I'm moving to Wisconsin where I will idly sit for one year awaiting my acceptance into (INSERT LAW SCHOOL HERE). If that LSAT score would increase I could be saying hello Stanford, okay maybe BOLT.

This is turning into mine and Jaime's platform for expression - I call for the uploading of photos and maybe some self promotion.

SCOTT REED CAN YOU HEAR ME? Maya stop stealing eggs and bless us with your prose.

jelly monster goes to Safeway

I think the vaseline/petroleum jelly extravaganza was a complete and utter success, however un-climactic. I thank you Maya for that experience. It only took Hannah three showers and a tub of peanut butter to get the jelly out of her hair, although I was rather liking the greaser look she was going for with that pleather jacket she was wearing. I'm excited for Friday: Maya's installation and Martha's film.

My nueva ring is causing me a plethora of quiefing moments, I'm almost tired of them, but for the moment they are kind of fun. I don't regret my hair cut yet, and I'm still not sure I will go white. I'm really sorry about Roland and his guuuurl, but please let him know, if he wants to hit it, I'm around...

Maya, you should post some photos on this thing of your most frightening shots.
Ok, get to work....

J

Nuva Ring, Nuva Week

and so here were are, day 2 of week 9? I hope everyone has an amazing turkey filled break, as well as a beer filled Tuesday night at the "bro"ery.
I had a good time with the ol' gang last night. Reunited and it feels so good.
However, sober as I was last night, I couldn't sleep in this morning and had to leave the house at 6:45 this morning up to campus. "But why Jaime, need you have left the house this morning?" might you be asking yourself. Because, despite my previous presumptions that when one buys toilet paper, he buys it for all of his beloved housemates, there was no toilet paper when I had to shit myself this morning. Maya, you left that protein drink in my possession, left it as my "nightcap" before bed.

So I'm on campus at this ungodly hour, fresh out of the dining hall, and in gym shorts ready to run after completing a few errands since I am without computer.

On another note, I will not be driving down to San Diego this break. It was decided by myself, and relevant third party, that I will have a much better time down there without finals on my mind.

The nuva ring is still in place, in case some of you are wondering, and my good work of not having unprotected sex until its 7th day in place (except for that first night when he pulled out just in time) will pay off tonight, so I expect to be bought a pitcher of beer tonight for that one.

In conclusion I want to remind Maya to subscribe for WWOLF this break, to remind Hannah to not get to anxious over C.M and to remind Scott that I want to do him still.

I will miss you all this break, and can't wait to awkwardly drink gallons of cheap beer tonight with the brew bros.
xoxoxo

hypochondria and home depot

Yesterday I was working at the metal shop in the art department.  I was welding sheet metal together for the floor of a mini gallery that I have until the 26th (Vaseline burlap babies YEAHHHHH). As I was lifting one of the pieces of metal up, I jabbed one of the sharp ends into my vulnerable right thigh (I was wearing my green shorts that Jaime likes).  What followed was me freaking my shit and running around the art department screaming bloody murder looking for bactine because of a cut the size of perhaps a flea.  And even though I found an antiseptic and sprayed my war wound heavily, when I woke up this morning I imagined for a few moments that I tried to get out of bed and flopped around like a jelly fish because tetanus had rendered me paralyzed.  

So basically I'm doing WAY GOOD.

Do not let me forget people that I have to buy industrial pipe at home depot, and hang my shiz uppp.

Also I'll call you later hannah about watching high art

Also Jaime I swear to god if you don't finish that spanish test....

Also Scott I love you, why are you such a cute little boy in a messy little room. I will clean for you today.

Also I maintain even through my trials and tribulations at the metal shop that I still look damn fiooonneee wearing those shorts.

 Really. Ask Jaime.

I must say I was very impressed with my swift response to the letter I received in the mail yesterday. I do good, no? However, in my thus far failed attempt to complete a certain placement test, I cannot assume the status of "do gooder" just yet. I have two more days to make that a reality.
Unfortunately for myself, I did indeed, as some of you fellow potential do gooders may have heard, UNPLUGGED one Hannah Gullixson's blasted and bloody computer while sitting across from her at one Pergolesi's coffee shop. This grants me one day in the backward direction of my do good progress.
What I will close with, for now, is a confession to a Mr. Scott Reed that I have dreamed about you for the past two nights, and let me tell you, they have been fun mo fo dreams. In the first one, two nights ago, we were flying all around the campus of UCSC in an attempt to avoid being shot down by militia. Ok kind of scary, but really beautiful as we were flying over oceans and through trees, not in a plane mind you, but on our own bodies. Last night's was rather dull, as it consisted merely of the two of going out to coffee. Damn good coffee? I met Jamie Kennedy too? Wanna get some coffee?
Are you guys reading this????
Over and out,
Jaime

And So It Begins

Attn: Scott, Jaime, and Maya

As an attempt to not "do good" and stray from my case study that is in desperate need of editing; I have resorted to creating this. The Do Good Club platform for the internet world. Check emails for information